Bullies lurk everywhere. They reside in your neighborhood, they wander around in schools, they stay in offices and other workplaces. Nowadays, in this technology driven era, bullies can also be found on the Internet.
There are variety of reasons why people choose to be a bully. I used the word “choose” because I am under the notion that being a bully is not ingrained in a person's character; a person can act as a bully to another person while not being one to someone else. A bully is not a type of person; it is an act of choice one decides on a particular situation and individual. Anyone can be a bully to somebody, even if he/she will not admit it to be so.
One of the reasons why people choose and act as bullies is because of insecurity brought about by envy. It is a societal evil that nobody will want to acknowledge in practice. Envious people who resort to bullying will often blame their victims why the former choose to act that way. It is never their fault because they will find ways and reasons to make their victims look bad in the eyes of the public.
You can only do as much to influence those who would be bullies. More often than not, they have made their choice, they will stand by it and they will be ready to justify their reasons in court. I guess this is another cause why people become bullies – their stubbornness allows them to be so.
Also, you should not confine yourself to the idea that bullies always look like the huge guy with big torsos and stuff. Physical attributes do not determine a bully. It is how the person deals with his/her feeling of insecurity – the feeling of envy towards another person.
Since you cannot control the mindset of bullies and envious people, what can you do within your circle of influence? Before you think of fighting back and arming yourself with an arsenal of lawyers, I have a few suggestions and I surely hope they can work for you.
There is this Turkish proverb which says...
Keeping a low profile, even if you are a person of significant achievement, is an excellent way to filter yourself from covetous smearing. If you keep on boasting your accomplishments, whether through your words or your gestures (and sometimes you unwittingly do so), then you become a target of envious attacks. In defense of yourself, you might say, “I do not arrogantly boast of my successes; they speak on their own and I have no control if people see them.” This thinking may have some valid points, but if you do not accept the reality that the gaze of green eyed creatures are lurking around the corner, you may see yourself as a prey being pounded on by merciless predators.
Remember, to their eyes you are a prized catch.
Does it give you gratification when people see you as smart, good looking, and a person of high competence? The thing is, making yourself look smarter, stronger, or more competent than others does not necessarily guarantee that people will like you.
Most people want to hang out with their equals. In most occurrences, if they see you as someone who would steal away attention because of your smartness, good looks, or competence, they will just think of you as an asshole or dickhead. So if you believe yourself to be an important person and you want others to give you recognition because of it, then the x-factor of likeability may not work for you.
If you want to be likeable, you will need to make each one around you feel important. Well-known author and self-improvement expert, Dale Carnegie, said...
Yes, do it sincerely – minus the flattery – just add an ounce of smile and multiply it with humility.
To avoid being a target and eventual victim of envious bullies, as much as possible, avoid getting inside their inner circle.
Now this is difficult to do, that even the most judgmental individual has no way of being certain. As mentioned previously, anybody can be a bully and anyone can be bound by the feeling of envy without he/she knowing it; bullies might already be in your circle of friends.
If notoriety has tailed people of envy and they are coming near you, better go the other way (if there is indeed no other way around it). How about if your own circle of friends have become infected by the green disease? Then I advise you to return to numbers 1 and 2 of this list, if you want to bring them back to their normal sweet state.
This concept was coined by a historically well-known and benevolent Man from Galilee, and I bet the quote is not new to you. Let me continue with what comes next after that instruction...
If you are non-religious, then you might not appreciate this fourth item on the list (sorry about that). If you believe, though, prayer and faith have a leviathan effect, not just on those who smear at you, but on your psychological makeup as well. It will contain your own inner insecurities and put your desire for vengeance under control.
Some sociologists and behavioral experts believe that social media, particularly Facebook and Instagram, evoke a feeling of envy and jealousy among its constant users. I will not advise to avoid being online, especially if your work compels you to surf the Internet including social media. Besides, my article is intended for those who are victims of bullying caused by the bully's envious tendencies.
If you are a person who is easily led by ill-feelings of envy, please... and please do your best to put them under restraint lest you hurt someone who does not deserve it.
One of the reasons why people choose and act as bullies is because of insecurity brought about by envy. It is a societal evil that nobody will want to acknowledge in practice. Envious people who resort to bullying will often blame their victims why the former choose to act that way. It is never their fault because they will find ways and reasons to make their victims look bad in the eyes of the public.
You can only do as much to influence those who would be bullies. More often than not, they have made their choice, they will stand by it and they will be ready to justify their reasons in court. I guess this is another cause why people become bullies – their stubbornness allows them to be so.
Also, you should not confine yourself to the idea that bullies always look like the huge guy with big torsos and stuff. Physical attributes do not determine a bully. It is how the person deals with his/her feeling of insecurity – the feeling of envy towards another person.
Since you cannot control the mindset of bullies and envious people, what can you do within your circle of influence? Before you think of fighting back and arming yourself with an arsenal of lawyers, I have a few suggestions and I surely hope they can work for you.
1. Stay low key
There is this Turkish proverb which says...
Always the trees that bear fruit are stoned.
Keeping a low profile, even if you are a person of significant achievement, is an excellent way to filter yourself from covetous smearing. If you keep on boasting your accomplishments, whether through your words or your gestures (and sometimes you unwittingly do so), then you become a target of envious attacks. In defense of yourself, you might say, “I do not arrogantly boast of my successes; they speak on their own and I have no control if people see them.” This thinking may have some valid points, but if you do not accept the reality that the gaze of green eyed creatures are lurking around the corner, you may see yourself as a prey being pounded on by merciless predators.
Remember, to their eyes you are a prized catch.
2. Be likeable
Does it give you gratification when people see you as smart, good looking, and a person of high competence? The thing is, making yourself look smarter, stronger, or more competent than others does not necessarily guarantee that people will like you.
Most people want to hang out with their equals. In most occurrences, if they see you as someone who would steal away attention because of your smartness, good looks, or competence, they will just think of you as an asshole or dickhead. So if you believe yourself to be an important person and you want others to give you recognition because of it, then the x-factor of likeability may not work for you.
If you want to be likeable, you will need to make each one around you feel important. Well-known author and self-improvement expert, Dale Carnegie, said...
Yes, do it sincerely – minus the flattery – just add an ounce of smile and multiply it with humility.
3. Avoid the green circle
To avoid being a target and eventual victim of envious bullies, as much as possible, avoid getting inside their inner circle.
Now this is difficult to do, that even the most judgmental individual has no way of being certain. As mentioned previously, anybody can be a bully and anyone can be bound by the feeling of envy without he/she knowing it; bullies might already be in your circle of friends.
If notoriety has tailed people of envy and they are coming near you, better go the other way (if there is indeed no other way around it). How about if your own circle of friends have become infected by the green disease? Then I advise you to return to numbers 1 and 2 of this list, if you want to bring them back to their normal sweet state.
4. Love your enemies
This concept was coined by a historically well-known and benevolent Man from Galilee, and I bet the quote is not new to you. Let me continue with what comes next after that instruction...
...and pray for those who persecute you.
If you are non-religious, then you might not appreciate this fourth item on the list (sorry about that). If you believe, though, prayer and faith have a leviathan effect, not just on those who smear at you, but on your psychological makeup as well. It will contain your own inner insecurities and put your desire for vengeance under control.
Last point
Some sociologists and behavioral experts believe that social media, particularly Facebook and Instagram, evoke a feeling of envy and jealousy among its constant users. I will not advise to avoid being online, especially if your work compels you to surf the Internet including social media. Besides, my article is intended for those who are victims of bullying caused by the bully's envious tendencies.
If you are a person who is easily led by ill-feelings of envy, please... and please do your best to put them under restraint lest you hurt someone who does not deserve it.
The Silent Epidemic
Courtesy of Youtube channel The National
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