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The Art of Not Always Being Right

Ego, we all have it. It is a part of our defense mechanism. Nature has ingrained upon us an intrinsic capability to defend ourselves from harm. But ego is more than protecting yourself from physical harm; it is a trait of human beings to project an image that they are better than anybody else -- that they are not going to allow themselves to be stepped on.

Again, it is natural for you to shield yourself from something or someone whom you deemed as hurtful and dangerous to your reputation. That having said, there are times when the best way to safeguard yourself is to not let your ego be the bulwark of your mental and emotional state.

Can Arguments Really Change Minds?


Have you chanced upon memes on the Internet similar to this?

meme-about-arguments

Well, I have seen several. The thing is, how many of you engage in an argument with the intention of being enlightened? I bet you argue with a person because you want to prove his/her belief is wrong -- meaning, you want that person to be enlightened, not yourself. Yet, that person also wants you to agree on what he/she believes is right. Even if you have not begun your discussion yet, both of you are at the disposition that you will not change your minds on account of the other’s arguments.

No, I am not discounting the capability of debates and forums to encourage democratic exchange of ideas, especially when there is a need to make new or revise old policies, rules, and laws that govern societies. In fact, debates do have a power to enlighten minds but mainly on the audience listening and watching the discussion, especially when it is done in public fora.

If you are a lawyer, politician, or policy maker, then arguing your ideas is your best tool to get your message across and fulfill your duty to your clients and constituents.

The Enjoyment You Get when You Prove Yourself Right


Human beings has this deep-rooted sense of (self) righteousness. How pleasurable it is to feel smart and to project an aura that you are ahead of others even in minute yet petty aspects, such as winning arguments. Vanity is almost always enjoyable especially when it is satisfied.

The thing is, being right is not the end of the satisfaction; the other party must acknowledge that you are right and he/she is wrong. Until the other side bows down to your will and accepts his/her defeat, then there will not be any pleasure in that.

Yet, how many times have you ruined your peace of mind just to shove your doggedness on a friend, sibling, coworker, partner, or spouse? Does it delight you when you wound and leave a scar on your relationships? Instead of making friends and solidifying alliances, you create hostilities against your reputation.

Have you ever lost your appetite during dinner because of a heated argument with a family member? Or have you seen people ruin a happy party because they let their emotions take control due to some wrangling they are involved in?

There are times when battling people in an argument is not as beneficial as you think. Wisdom and utmost humility is needed to choose which battles you need to win or simply walk away from. Do not let strong emotions govern your words. Learn how to disengage yourself from heating up lest you burn yourself and those close to you.

golden-rule-of-arguing



Photo Credits:

I Am Right - You Are Wrong - Change My Mind meme created/edited by I.T. Romulus via Memegur.com

Golden Rule of Arguing quote meme created/edited by I.T. Romulus, image from Pixabay.com c/o 3dman_eu

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Types of Behavior when People Reach Middle Age

“Zero bitterness! … even if there’s less hair and a few more inches around the waist,” says a 40 (something) old man in a low-calorie beer commercial. The obvious thing about growing up to middle age and senior years is that it shows its evidence on your physical appearance (unless you are one of the lucky few whose body cells are resistant to it). For many, this is something they fear about; but there are those who welcome it with open legs. (Oops! That ain’t right).

The number 40 is a mark that someone has undergone a stage of processing and trial. In Judaism and Christianity, 40 is used as a symbol of cleansing, preparation, and instruction. So it goes to say that when a man (or woman) reaches the age of 40, he/she has gone through a lot of wayward things already. Well, probably not that many as he/she will continue to age and grow with more experience. Besides, maturity is not the same with everybody.

40-and-above-people

Unwittingly, people who are 40 and above are this website's majority of audience. Is it because its message is more applicable to 40 and up folks or is it because such audience are the ones who can relate to its teasing conveyance?

So, whether you are in your 40’s (and up) or you are about to reach this age range, here is something that you may want to be aware about -- the types of behavior shown by people who reach their 40’s.

Find out the miseries you may encounter once you turn 40.

1. The In Denial


How many people have you met who lie about their age when asked about it? Why are some folks (especially the middle age ones) get annoyed when age is being talked about? And why the heck is it offensive to ask grown-ups about their age when it is OK to do so if you ask a child or teenager?

The reason? Most of them are in denial that they are “not young” anymore. According to study, the stage of youth ends by your 35th-39th year. This is why we describe 40 and up folks as middle aged (with the exception of those who are 60 and above). The attitude of denying one’s age is not exclusive to middle aged people; you can find this behavior in individuals who are young as 20.

What is it in being young that many people want to associate themselves with? Humans have an intrinsic perception that youth begets strength, sharpness of mind, good health, and more opportunities; while growing old is incidentally linked to weakening of the body, deterioration of memory, and lessening of opportunities. The younger you are, the better.

The thing is, that is not the whole picture. Growing up and growing old is also associated with better and more positive things, such as maturity, wisdom, and resiliency. Besides, all those bad stuff mentioned above can all be avoided (or delayed) by applying all the knowledge in health and nutrition humanity has accumulated throughout the years.

2. The Health Paranoid


So much for adults denying their age… So you acknowledge that you are in your middle age. With such acceptance, you become aware of the changes in your health needs. You become conscious of every body pain you feel, thinking that it might be a symptom of some major disease associated with ageing. So you gorge yourself with every bit of literature online and offline regarding medical research on such sensations.

Instead of being appeased, you become more paranoid as you begin to be aware of health disorders you are not even sure you have. The best way to resolve this issue is to go to the doctor and have yourself checked. Yet, instead of doing so, you retort, “No, I don’t wanna go to doctors. They might ask me to go through some blood test and whatever hoola-hoola test there is. Then the tests might show some sickness I never heard of. Gosh! I am afraid.”

The heck! So you are afraid of doctors that you would rather rely on some medical website to provide you all the answers to your health questions. Well then, go ahead and feed your paranoia.

3. The Look Worrier


They say #3 in this list is more common to women than men. Well, I doubt it. I have observed both men and women become (overly) conscious of the changes on their physical looks once they reach or are about to reach middle age. Vanity depends not on gender but on the disposition of each man or woman.

Everyone wears an “emotional” mask. Yet, the easiest and most obvious way to mask yourself is through your physical appearance. Combine this with the “in denial” syndrome and you get to stew your mind on how to best hide those wrinkles and silver hair coming in. The thing is, who the heck in human history started to connote wrinkling and graying hair as unsightly? Mind you, there are many people who get better looking as they age.

If you are 40 and up, no need to worry about your looks because there are surely bigger things to think about (wink). Remember the age-old saying...

what-is-beauty

4. The Unaware


On the onset, the unaware and the in denial will behave the same. The difference? The latter deliberately shows it while the former is just not aware that they are 40 or up. Oh yeah, they probably are not oblivious of their actual age; it is just that they are ignoring the many changes happening with their body. They still party all night, drink (alcohol) excessively, smoke, and do other vices thinking that their bodies are the same as when they were in their 20’s.

Aside from ignoring the fact that such vices are taking a toll on their health, they are also behaving in a manner that marks the lifestyle of a callow teenager. I just hope that this kind of behavior does not lead them to a life-threatening disease brought about by an untempered way of life.

Learn how adults can think and act like a teenager.

The unaware adults think that age is just a number, which is rightly so and they should be commended for it. However, they just cannot comprehend that there are some things a 40 and up person should avoid on account of family life and good health.

5. The Wisdom Monger


There is no definite age for maturity. It comes differently on different people. You may see yourself as mature but others may not find the same. Or you may think of someone as immature but, in reality, he/she has accumulated wisdom you do not even know yet. Experience and environment mold a person’s maturity, and wisdom is a friend to those who have experienced much struggle.

The thing is, you cannot deny that 40 and up people have many years of experience and struggle is not a stranger to them. In fact, they recognize that struggle is inevitable as long as you live in this world. They have come to the realization that there are more important things in life other than gold and glory. They have become wisdom mongers.

Wisdom mongers desire to embrace life with all its imperfections -- not ignoring and not denying that they too are imperfect.



Photo Credits:

40 and Above People c/o ThinkStockPhotos.com

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Meme created/edited by author via Imgur.com
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Bitterness Can Make You Sick

The only thing bitter I know that’s healthy is the ampalaya vegetable. Besides, your mouth will instinctually reject anything that tastes bitter. Nature has given your tongue a capacity to abhor bitterness, because oftentimes, something bitter is an indication that what you put into your mouth is poisonous.

You might retort, “Do you mean that I should not take medicines because they taste bitter?” Well, in fairness to medical professionals, you are not supposed to take meds if your doctor did not advise you to do so. Any medication can become a poisonous drug if it is not prescribed by a trained and licensed medical specialist.

ill-man-tormented-by-life-miseries
An ill man next to his empty hearth tormented by the miseries of life

Bitterness is not only something tasted by the tongue; it is also an emotion felt by the soul. It is a feeling that can disturb your peace and contentment. Here is the thing, many people would rather savor the feeling of bitterness to the point that it would cost them their happiness, than get rid of it from their system.

1. The bitterness of loathing and unforgiveness


How many people have been destroyed because of an unforgiving heart? The thing about unforgiveness is that it consumes the one who harbors the grudge rather than the person who is the object of such loathing.

The deceptive satisfaction that you get when you are angry at someone is that you think you can even the odds once you get your revenge on the person you have a grudge with. Yet, even if you do get your chance for it, you only worsen the ill-feeling you have inside. It does not dissipate. You thought you had your retribution? No, you only exacerbated the cycle of hurt and resentment.

The only way to get rid of the bitterness of hate is to let go and forgive.

2. The bitterness of unquenchable envy


What makes the feeling of envy stings is that it causes you to ignore your own blessings while coveting what you see as others possess, thereby abandoning the happiness of savoring your own peace of mind. It gives a gypping perception that you are inferior than the person who is the object of your envy.

Beware of this bitterness because envy is both a ghost and a monster than can eat up even the happiest human being if such emotion is not contained and subjugated.

Read and learn about the Two Heads of the Green Eyed Monster called envy.

3. The bitterness of unfulfilled desire


Having an ambition is not bad. How can it be, especially if you are aspiring for magnanimity? Desiring to be in a better state is something to be commended for.

Google Dictionary defines the word “desire” as “a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.” Woah, a strong feeling of wanting -- that is a very impetuous phrase! Imagine how frustrating and disappointing if such feeling is never requited.

Read and find out How to Contain Frustration and Disappointment.

There are 2 ways to avoid this kind of bitterness:
  • You let it go (especially if it is not realistic).
  • You act on it so you can reach its fulfillment.

A man by the name of Joel A. Barker once said, “Vision without action is merely a dream.” So it is with any plan or goal you have; if you do not act on it, it remains but a mere dream -- a dream that can hound you obstreperously even in your restful moments. Yet, you are apprehended from acting on it. Is it because you are afraid to fail? You should not be, because it is better to fail in pursuing your vision rather than not knowing whether you can accomplish it or not. Your failure may even teach you a lesson or 2 -- something that can benefit you eventually.

4. The bitterness of despair


The worse bitterness of all is when you have lost all hope. The thing is, given the harsh reality of the world you live in, it is hope that is keeping you going. It is the fuel that pushes you to love and act upon what makes you fulfilled and happy. Without it, it is tantamount to losing life itself.

Who does not know Judas Iscariot? Scholars say that history’s condemnation of his character was not because he betrayed his Master. It was because he despaired and, by doing so, he eventually took his own life. Judas underestimated the power of the Master’s benevolence and mercy.

As a final note…


Whether it is unforgiveness, envy, unrequited ambition, or hopelessness, emotional bitterness is not something to be proud of. You only have self-ruin ahead of you if you let it get over your head. Doctors and health experts believe that bitterness is a contributing factor to cancer, cardio-vascular diseases, mental illness, and weak immune system.

Some people have a hard time flushing bitterness away. If you are one of such folks, you may want to talk it out with someone worthy of your trust or, if the necessity comes to it, seek the help of a trained behavioral specialist.



Photo credit:

"An ill man next to his empty hearth..." by http://wellcomeimages.org/indexplus/obf_images/d1/d7/571bdd658b816c78487dc8702a24.jpgGallery: http://wellcomeimages.org/indexplus/image/V0011143.htmlWellcome Collection gallery (2018-03-23): https://wellcomecollection.org/works/rb8qcw79 CC-BY-4.0, CC BY 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=36461096
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Wise Quotes from Good Bosses

Kind and compassionate bosses are a rare breed these days. Not that they do not exist anymore, it is just that they are so rare most employees see them as folks to be feared rather than admired and respected (note, there is a big difference between respect and fear). Besides, the culture of hierarchy in many companies compel managers to command “respect” from their staff. Yet in fact, they are just eliciting fear and not respect in its real sense. I find it sad to hear people connote fear as the same with respect, but this is not supposed to be so (and I will deal with this in a separate occasion).
steve-carell-michael-scott-the-office
The Office:
Michael Scott played by Steve Carell

In my many years traversing the professional sphere, I was fortunate to have had bosses who were compassionate, humane, and family-oriented. Not that I had no share of bosses who were a-holes, but in this write-up, I focus on the good guys and write about what they said that inspired me to be more human and alive. They made me realize that being a leader is not about exerting your authority all the time, but also making sure that you walk with your feet still on the ground. While your job may keep you away from getting hungry, it does not mean that your world should revolve around it -- there are other aspects of your life that are equally important if not more important.

"Don’t send an email on a Friday afternoon and expect a response and action ASAP."


I have seen people get upset because they want their request to get proper and immediate action -- never mind if it is a weekend. The thing is, these people themselves do not want to be disturbed on weekends. They like other people work their way through their off days so they can get the output by Monday, yet they themselves will rest their asses beyond satisfaction.

This boss of mine who said quote #1 had taught me to respect people’s off-days and holidays.

"I don’t like frequent meetings; managers who do have nothing to do."


Managers set meetings to make sure the objectives are clear to the members of the team and to clarify assignments and manage expectations. They can be regularly done, but doing them too frequently is wasteful to company time. The time that should have been spent doing the tasks and achieving the goal is being spent on chit-chat because of frequent and lengthy meetings.

Given the modern and hi-tech means of office communication, one can just shoot a message to the intended party and generate an action all at once. It is sad that sometimes meetings are not maximized to what it is supposed to be used for; it is instead abused to the point were those who have nothing to do can pretend that they are doing something.

"If you receive an emergency call from home, just go; your family is more important than me."


I sure hope that you know the reason why you work. You may say you that you have this ambition you need to fulfill or that you need to fill up those pockets of yours. The bottomline is you have (or going to have) a family to support. You work because of your loved ones.

good-boss
So do not let your ambition or your longing for money cloud your sight on what is truly significant in your life, unless you think family is of less importance than anything else you perceive to be.

In your deathbed, it is not your officemates who will be there beside you -- it will be your family.

"The world does not revolve around your job; don’t carry its weight upon your shoulders."


It is a pity when people allow their jobs to take a toll on their health. They save their hard-earned money just to spend it later on hospitalization and medicines. It is sad that we see people succeeding in their careers only to find out that their family and emotional life is a wreck.

There should always be a balance between career and your life -- that is the ideal. However, in the case that you are prompted to choose, then choose the one that will still be there when your work is done.

"If you have an urgent task, don’t rush it -- just expedite; rushing will jeopardize your work’s quality."


Most people are agitated by tight deadlines, and that is normal. However, when you are focused more on finishing the task at hand, you tend to undermine the quality of what you are doing.

This is why work timelines should not be stiff or too short; they should be planned ahead. Besides, most stress in the workplace are wrought because of tight and unrealistic deadlines.

As a final note, we look up to leaders for direction and even inspiration. How lucky you are if you find such leader -- one who acts as mentor and motivator. Yet, in the end, you need to remember that they have their own lives to meddle with; outside of the workplace they are not responsible with how you conduct your life. Still, you are your own life's motivator and director.

 

Photo credits:

Meme created by author. Photo from "MichaelScott" by Source, Licensed under Fair use via Wikipedia -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:MichaelScott.png#/media/File:MichaelScott.png


The Good Boss c/o Lukas / Pexels.com
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